May 2014 Newsletter
The History of Time… or How Conservatives Came to Be
Once upon a time, millions of years ago, humans existed in small pods of nomadic hunter-gatherers. They wandered the land following food and good weather.
Until, one day, some of the women folk went out in search of something a little lighter to eat than the hairy boar that always seemed to end up in the fire at the end of the day. Lo and behold, they discovered grapes.
This discovery led to the invention of wine, which eventually led to the invention of the wheel so that the other ladies could get to the wine, but that is a story for another day. Back to the tribe…
One woman discovered that squished, fermented grapes tasted really good, and had an idea to make this into a beverage and that it would be a good thing for the tribe. This is the beginning of entrepreneurship. Early on they had no bottles or corks so groups of people started living near the vineyards. This is the beginning of towns.
Some of the women spent their time nurturing the grapes and the vineyards. Some became skilled at predicting the weather conditions and forecasting harvest times. Many learned the craft of harvesting the grapes at their peak of flavor while others learned the art of stomping. A few masters learned how to age them in hollowed out trees until they fermented to just the right degree to ensure maximum enjoyment. Anyone who was willing to work received a share of the harvest. Most of the wine was enjoyed, but some was saved for emergencies, and the rest was bartered for things like clubs and animal hides and caves at higher elevations. This is the beginning of the free market economy.
Word spread of this discovery and soon tribes came from all over the land to partake of these new opportunities.
When the rain didn’t come, or the sun didn’t shine and the grapes didn’t grow, the tribe used its stash of surplus wine to make it through to the next harvest. But they were sparing in their use of their reserves because once it was gone, it was gone. They couldn’t just print grapes.
This is the beginning of conservatism.
Other, lazier, members of the tribes (mostly men, but we hope they’ve evolved by now), decided that making wine was too much work and required too much skill so they would just live off of the wine growers. They would show up from time to time and offer to sweep the cave or perform other menial tasks in exchange for a share of the harvest. Of course, they believed that simply being a member of the tribe entitled them to an equal share even if they didn’t contribute equally.
This is the beginning of liberalism.
When the producers complained that some wanted to take more wine than they had worked for, the lazier members of the tribe formed a committee and ordered that all members of the tribe will be given equal shares and that refusal to do so would mean by a takeover of the vineyards by the committee. Who, of course, knew nothing of how to grow grapes or produce wine.
And this was beginning of liberal, over-reaching government. The rest, as they say, is history.
Ladies, we need to take back the vineyards… are you with me???????